Just Wednesday!!

Today is just Wednesday... I'm at work! Wishing I was not! Wishing I was spending time with family that's in town... or shopping... or playing with my dog! haha. Speaking of Wynsten, I have to take him to the vet today. I'm not very excited about that. He has to have like 5 shots. I can't imagine how he is going to take it. The first time I took him in was a success, even though he only got one shot, so hopefully it will be painless this time as well!
I'm really excited about the New Years coming up! Me and Mitch are going to Perfect North Resort with his kids. We're going snow tubing!!! I'm so excited!!! (and also sad I will miss the gag gift party at my gmas =( Someone will have to wait till next year to get "The Boot"... Sorry Aunt Darlene! haha) I've never been before. We're going out tonight to buy kewl snow clothes! I'm debating what to do with Wynsten.... it cost $150.00 to bring him! Which I think is REE-DIC-U-LUS!!!
I'm kind of glad all the holiday craziness is coming to an end. I'm really excited about the New Year. New start! New ideas! New goals! What are some of your goals?! What do you want to do with your life this year??
Hope you all have a great week and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Merry Christmas

Well I know this is late and you can thank Comcast for that, Seems they cant seem to keep the internet up and running.

I do hope that everyone had a great Christmas. It seems each year it becomes more of a holiday for more and more presents. It becomes who has the best or who has the most. I think one of the best things that happened was the colapse of the economy. It then put christmas back into what its really ment to be, Of course thats in my opinion.

For me christmas is all about spending time with family, whether or not there are gifts is just a side bonus. Also its about the Birth of the baby, who later became man and through his death , Ive had the chance to have my sins forgiven, even when I did nothing to recieve, which to me is the best Christmas gift of all.


So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and just think next week it will be 2011 !

Charlie

Craziness!!!!

So I just realized I haven't actually posted anything for like 3 weeks! Oops! I've been so busy! Like last night.... I thought I would be organized and write everything down that I needed to get done... only to end up reviewing my list at 2am and seeing not even half of list crossed off!!! haha! Nooooo! Only 2 days left till Christmas!?! Can you believe it!? That's crazy! Where did this year go!?
I'm so tired today! I went to bed so late... and then got woke up THREE times through out the night, by Wynsten.... b/c he NEEDED a "dreeeenk" and to go outside!!!! AHH!! It took me at least an hour to actually get out of bed today.... seriously. 5 mins late to work... and here I am... blogging haha!
I am teaching my dog new tricks every day! He knows how to high five! And now he knows how to ring a bell when he needs to go outside. For any new dog owners, try it!! It's a great thing to teach puppies! Saves a lot of stress for yourself and the puppy!
Tonight Me, Nan and Wynsten (and maybe Jake) are going to get our pictures taken with Santa!!! I'm excited!!! Maybe Dad too! I wish we could all go! haha. Don't think they would know what to do with ALL of us.... and pet night is over... soo.... yah, good thing I know every one that works there! Whoot whoot!
Well I can't wait to see everyone for Christmas and see all the gifts we all get! And eat yummy food!

It's Never Easy

Well as the title states, it's never easy.... I don't even know what to type really tonight. I made one of the hardest decisions Ive had to make recently. That was to end a friendship. I don't know if she will read this or not, she has already took me off of everything we used to chat through.

My heart will always have a spot for her. Was it the best choice? More then likely, was it the hardest choice? absolutely. I know she loved me. I also knew That things wouldn't end up how i wanted them to end up. I knew this from the beginning of our conversations, but i went with my heart, because she loved me. I haven't had someone love me since Someca passed away a little over 2 years ago. Ive felt empty inside. I hadn't felt alive since then until you came around. You changed things for me, you gave me hope, that maybe i was lovable. Maybe someone out there would take a chance with me. I'm Sorry the way things ended and do know i did care a lot about you and thought about you a lot. I hope that life treats you well and that you find what you are searching for, whatever it may be. I will miss you!

In light of that, I don't even know how I got here. All i want is to be loved. It cant be that hard for someone to love me is it? Yeah, my family loves me, but they are suppose to love me. Yeah I act like i have it all together but really i don't. I havent had it together for over 2 years. I dont know why I cant find love. I don't know if its me or them? Probably a bit of both. Seems I'm always in the friend catagory, which isn't always bad, but no one seems to want more then that with me. Sure i have some baggage but who doesn't?

Everything I do i give it 100%, whether it be Coaching Basketball, Teaching basketball, being a friend and sometimes even "Superman" to some. I dont get what I'm missing or what makes it so hard to be loved.

Sure I had someone who loved me for me and i felt on top of the World. Someone who didn't care where i came from or what i had done. She loved me because i was Charlie Miller. As i try to type this with tears running down my face, i have to wonder, what have i done God to feel so unlovable?

Why did i lose my vision just to feel loved? Id give anything right now to feel loved. To know what it is to feel wanted again....To be able to hear someone say that they love me , Love Charlie Miller and not because i did anything, but because i was/ am Me.

My heart is in a million pieces because if i could have anything, it would be that and that's something i cant get or have. I am / was so desperate to have someone say that they loved me that i went against everything i stood for and yet here i am , searching, trying to figure out why i cant be loved.

For some of you, I'm sure your like this cant be the guy we know. Well it is at this time. I can only hide behind the mask for so long but you look into the mask and see the tears as my heart breaks each time i think i have found love, only to have found nothing or to be added to the friends list. Yeah i know everyone needs a friend like me, so I've been told , every time it seems that's all people want.

There's a saying I say and its " Fake it til you make it" , well I've faked it for awhile, I don't like people knowing the person who's inside who's crying to be loved, That's never been me, I;m always the one who has been the strong one, the one you call for anything, no matter the time or no matter the problem. Well I guess you can only fake it so long before you completely fall apart.

I'm at that point. I haven't cried this much in the last 2 weeks since Someca died. Sure it doesn't help that its the holiday seasons and the memories come back, But it's not that. Ive been able to handle that , but its been the broken heart, the fact that I can't see to find someone who loves me for me. Ugh i hate crying, cant even see now and my hoodie is covered in snot in tears.

Before you, the readers, tell me , well God has a plan for you and God is going to use you in great ways..etc...etc ....etc, This i know, I've been told this my entire life and well i still haven't seen it yet. Ive had many chats/fights/arguments with God these past 2 years. I know he hasn't given up on me , but i know Ive given up on myself. I'm Glad God is patient with me cause If he hasn't given up on me, then I know I can't give up on me. Im also glad that when i do yell and scream at him he doesn't take it personal. I know he listens to me and still loves me when im done.

Well enough talking about my life for now and plus i cant see the keys very well since i had to take my glasses off. I'll leave you with a song that sums up toda. Looking back I know it's for the better but that doesnt mean my heart will heal any faster.



Sorry this has been a sad few weeks reading my blog, but its whats going on inside and I needed somewhere to vent, cry, write and express how im feeling.

Charlie

This is Debby, The Mother of the 6

Sons (and daughters) are a heritage from the Lord,

children a reward from him.

I have always felt blessed by God. You, each one, have surpassed my expectations. You are God -fearing , courageous, generous, forgiving ( and I am thankful for this fact!) insightful, inspirational, hard working, committed. I have truly been blessed! This time of year causes me to reflect on the past, we've come a long way, ten years to be exact Ten years.......I close my eyes and I am standing in the living room with Eric and Blake fixing Barney for them, I can smell the Christmas tree and the sweet smell of fudge, the sun is shining . . . . there's a knock at the door. You all know the pain that followed when I opened that door. Here we are ten years from then, together, the sun is shining the air is fridged, but our hearts are warm we have each other we are strong we have a grand future. Will there be heart ache, loss, suffering, and pain again? The answer is yes but we have each other and most important we belong to God who stands with us through all things. It has been tough , but today I want you all to know how sorry I am for the mistakes I made and to remember just how proud I am of all of you. Each one of you make me proud.Each one of you feels my heart with joy. I can hardly wait for everyone to be here for CHRISTMAS........ where we will laugh, talk, eat , and add to the heart of our family new memories. I love you..........

Mom

YAY for a good Monday!

Hello Gang!
After staying up super late last night with Owen and Holly, I had a surprisingly good day! I woke up too early for worship, but I was unaware that it was early, so I went and just wrote in my prayer journal and talked to David! (a guy on staff here as well) It was a great way to start the day.

So, it is official, I am moving HOME this week =D!! Most of you know that I have had a really rough time since coming back here. When my parents dropped me off, I started sobbing the night before they even left, uhh...I think that shouldve been a rather large clue! But anyways, yes, I have had a rough time with things here. Holly and Amanda have been a HUGE blessing and comfort to me throughout this time! God couldn't have given me 2 better friends to help me through! They both have been through hard times as well, so us 3 have stayed pretty darn close. Owen has been such a good friend to me too! I know Holly and Amanda both appreciate him as well. I know God had a purpose for me coming here, even if it was just to get through the hard times and learn how to deal with them in the future! I have to say, I have NO CLUE how people get through rough times without God.

God has been ever so faithful to me while I've been here! He brought so much comfort when people brought the pain. He overwhelmed me with His grace when I thought I wouldn't last one more hour. He provided me with the finances that I never thought I would get. He allowed me to spend time with friends that I wouldn't have had without coming here. When all chaos hit down here, He brought me into a place of divine peace! Thank You, God, for everything You have done for me!!

When I do get home, I would love to start working with kids in after school care programs or things of such nature =p. I would also LOVE to work with young teenage girls! I know how important it was for me to have that older female mentoring me when I was going through that stage of finding out who I was! I am so excited for the things that God has for me to do at home! I also feel called to go overseas for a time. I have no idea exactly when, but I think I'll get more clarity on that when I get home. I've been in contact with people in England and Scotland, so we shall see where God places me! Living a life for God is so much more fun and adventurous than the "normal" life! So what if I don't want to go to school?! I'd rather have God use me to change lives than to have a degree and a regular job the rest of my life =D God gives me so much peace and excitement about what He has just for me! The only thing I struggle with is being patient enough to wait for it to all unfold!

I challenge you guys to really ask God to reveal Himself to you in a new way each day! You will be amazed at the things He will use to get your attention on Him! It's so exciting, it makes each day full of anticipation. Also, recognize the things that you have for what they are, blessings from God. We don't deserve to have comfort, or even a house, God has chosen to give us those things. Thank God for even the small crazy things, you'll be in awe of how much your life changes just by learning to give thanks for EVERY thing you have =] I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

--Hann

**Also, please be praying for finances, I need around $500 in the next 5 days! Yeaaaaaah! Let's do it!!!**

What are you doing?

Well I know this is a little early for my Blog, but I have nothing else better to do right now then to blog. This week's topic is one that many people don't like to talk about it. That is Death. Death is something that will happen to all of us, as a matter of fact I think there are only 2 places in the bible where people didn't die, but just walked up to heaven. Wouldn't that be a wild ride.

Just walking down the street and next thing you know your a foot above the ground, then 2 feet and so on and so forth until you get to the pearly gate. What an experience that would be.

So this week I gave my LAS 189 presentation and I did that on the Movie " The Bucket List". If you haven't seen it, i would say its a funny movie. Yes it deals with cancer and so if you know someone or are close to someone who has cancer I wouldn't suggest seeing it. I had just recently seen it and it had been out since 2007. It's amazing how many movies have cancer in them. It's something i never paid attention too, until cancer directly effected me. Back to the movie, Well these 2 guys find out they are terminal cancer and thus create a bucket list.

A "bucket list" is a list of things that you wanna do before you " kick the bucket" After challenging my class to live for today and not tomorrow, for all we know is that we have today and that tomorrow isn't promised to us, I got to thinking about my own bucket list. I realized I really didn't have one. there isn't anything right now that I can think of that if i was on my death bed, i would say, man i wish i would of done that. Sure there are things that I would like to do, but nothing that just says " man if i don't do this, i'll be so mad."

So here is my attempt at a Bucket list.

1)I would like to be Able to get married and to Raise a Family
2) take a cruise
3) Coach a basketball team to the State Championship game
4)Make a difference in someone's life who other wise wouldn't of had the chance
5)Make a video game or have input into one
6)Travel the World, along with that go to Europe and backpack for a month or 2
7) Go back to Veneszula, One of the greatest times in my life was being there for a month.

Well that is it for now, i guess if i am granted the life i hope i get to live i will be able to add to this list.

I was going to add a clip so you all could watch, but for some reason they have disabled the embeded code.

Lastly, What is on your Bucket list?



Charlie

Christmas Blues anyone?!

It's "Hump Day" so it's my turn to blog! Yaaah! (attempting to rejoice! haha) I agree by the way, it's hard to really remember what your focus is during this crazy time of year (well for me anyway). I'm high strung and I *hate hate hate* that! (I really need to seek out a book about that and how people have resolved some of that). I get so caught up in getting everything that needs done and all the presents and making all the plans with families and saving money and....get really stressed and wrapped up in that! Sound like me?! haha.
This year I am really trying to come up with a plan... with an idea to get rid of the "Christmas Blues". Me?? With the blues?? I know... It's sad to say I'd even get such a thing! We have had such awesome Christmases through out my whole child hood years. I can't remember ever being so excited about the same thing *every year* for so many years! Even my birthday wasn't quite as exciting to me, b/c I was the only one opening presents. I like it when other people share in my excitement!
A few years ago started off a strand of bad Christmases for me. I don't want to spend too much time writing about those events; I don't want to dwell on them, but they range from a death in the family to DCFS to other personal things that took place in my life. All those things combined have really almost stole my childhood memories/excitement from me. I realize that everything that has happened is a part of the past, but it's really hard for me, come December 1st, to "be excited".
This year I want to do SOMETHING to help me get past the past, get rid of my Christmas Blues and relive my childhood excitement for Christmas! If anyone has any ideas/thoughts... or even prayers, they're all welcomed!
On another note, this week has already been crazy! Random updates in my life!:
1.Taco Bell drive thru accident: I was awarded the money for the damage done to my car (which works out *perfect* because you can hardly tell anyone hit my car, but yet it cost over 1,000 yaaah!) and more is to come....!
2. I got 2 angel trees! I have a boy and a girl. I'm kind of excited about that!
3. Me and Mitch are going to one of our married friend's houses to plan our trip to Mexico tonight! I think that's exactly what I need.... To plan something FUN to look forward to after Christmas time to get me through the next few weeks! Even though I have been to Mexico before this is going to be an awesome trip!!! Last time I was there, I went to Caba San Lucas. I think we're going to Cancun this time! I love to travel!
4. Ashley still hasn't gotten back to me about what she wants for Christmas, and I've been asking for like 3 weeks!!!! (mhmmm!!!)
5. Why are there so many stupid Christmas songs out?? (ie- "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas". Really?!?)
6. We are planning pictures with Santa on the 19th!!! (when Han comes home, anyone who wants to join, PLEASE DO!!! )
7. I need some new rain boots!!! I went to Target and ended up leaving with 3 pairs of *really cute* boots (b/c someone bought them online and returned them in the store, I got them for $10, yessss!), but now I still need rain boots!
8. We're going to Chicago this weekend to get away and do some Christmas shopping! Yah! Maybe some ice-skating and to see "Black Swan". (has anyone seen that? Is it good??)

That's about all the updates! I think some people that have slacked on blogging need to catch us up on their lives!!!
Have a great week!!!!

Rejoice

The word rejoice can be found a lot this time of year.

"Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel. Shall come to the O Israel"

But, I've been challenged by the book Crazy Love to look at rejoicing a different way. The following an exerpt from Francis Chan's book.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I say again, Rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4) You'll notice it doesn't end with "... unless you're doing something extremely important". No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge "Do not be anxious about anything" (v. 6).

Can you name the last time, outside of a worship service, that you really truly rejoiced? It's hard for me to name a time lately, other than Chaney's birth. And that's troubling to me. "Rejoice in the Lord always", to me means that it's an action that never ceases. . . hence the term "always". I've failed there. . . often.

I guess, I am using this blog post to challenge myself. To always rejoice.

Give glory to God in the highest, and peace to His people on earth.

I hope everyone has a great week.

Busy Weekend

Well I guess this blog will be about random stuff. Its been a busy weekend with 2 basketball games this weekend. Makes for a long/short weekend. You sleep and then you play ball, next thing you know its Monday morning.

Our Team won both games and we are slowly headed in the right direction. We still have alot to work on, some simple and some things will just have to come in time, I hope. I have high expectations for this team, but all i can do is coach them and they have to execute the game plan. Hopefully we will be well rested for next week as we play on Tuesday and Thursday. I'll leave you with one of my fav movie clips once again.



Also here is another one of my fav clips from another basketball movie






To me this says everything about TEAM

Have a great week everyone!

Charlie

Elf Yourself :)

SO... in light of the holidays.... and because I'm a huge dork... I elfed my kids :) Enjoy!

24 more days!

It's not only Hump Day today, but it's also December 1st! I can't believe it! 24 more days until Christmas and 30 more days until 2010 is over! Which also means that I will only have 10 more months until I am 30 and have to have my book done! Whew, that's a lot to accomplish! Oh yah, and I forgot school! I would really like to be done with that as well! Better get a move on it! I need someone to write me letters/text every few days telling me to do my home work and keep writing! Haha, any volunteers?!
So I've been really bad at this blogging thing, even though I really enjoy it! Looks like I'm not the only one!!! =) I promise to get better!! I can feel the craziness of the holidays coming on! I bought my FIRST Christmas present yesterday! I could resist. It was 200 off! SO I only spent 100! And I got a really neat travel bag with it! I can't wait to go buy really neat wrapping paper. I think wrapping presents in funky ways is one of my favorite things about Christmas.
Well, I need to close this for now.... lots of work to do! What time are we actually doing Christmas this year??

katie